theabstractlives

Hop!

Don’t you just feel like jumping out of this plane and hop off to your destination? The fun way.

How amazing would it be to live among the clouds? To see how birds see… While you’re actually floating and not… Falling with a parachute on your back.

-S.

Last week was fun. My brother and cousins were in town! And if you have a working and generous elder brother or sister you can expect to have a gooood time. I don’t have a laptop or desktop which is in working condition right now but my brother does. So he brings the laptop whenever he’s visiting. He also brings these delicious cakes from where he’s working. So yeah, I always look forward to him visiting. Because he’s fun to have around. Haha.

It was our uncles birthday last Sunday and so we were at his place celebrating. Typical birthday celebration. Cake, pics and more pics, then pics in different angles and lighting. Yeah. Good times. After dinner, we all talked and all the senior citizens went off to sleep, we stayed awake. The six of us cousins. We always have something great to share. New stories from work or college, something about family history and all that. And thus began a night of debates, discussion, laughter and some… Horror stories too.

World Politics. Sound exciting? With all that is going on around, we all had some good points to present. If a third world war breaks out, do we stand a chance? Which country will side with who? And what not. Well, that died out pretty quickly. It’s no use talking about world leaders. They’ll do as they please. My brother mentioned about the politics that go around at his workplace. Then my sister shared a funny story about her colleague which I didn’t understand but I laughed anyways. Out of the six of us, I’m the second youngest. The youngest one, did most of the listening. Doesn’t have that many experiences to tell haha. And all these elders are working so they have shit loads to tell. So anyways, we are talking about friends and work load and I’m complaining about my college life. Typical teenage talk. From that we came to our family history. What our ancestors did and how our parents tell us about their parents and all the shit that went down during their time. How they had to climb mountains, fight a lion, swim across a river just to get to school. You know… Parents. We then went on to astrology. I don’t know how, but yeah, we were now talking about astrology. Then stars, Karma, demons, angels, god, yoga. We went on blabbering. No matter what anyone says, aquarians are the coolest. We really are. I mean look at me. We like such stuff. We just don’t get too much into it. No use wasting time hoping that as soon as sun enters my sign everything around me will change and all. But no. Nothing changes and you sit there analysing and blaming astrology rather than getting your shit together.

This went on for a long time. It was almost 2.50am when my cousin brother says, “Did you know? 3am-4am is known as the Devils hour?” Bruuuuh. Don’t even. The thing is, I’m scared of ghosts and horror movies. Who isn’t? But I’m scared a level above them. You know? A little more. And I can imagine things pretty quickly. Now most of the “real life” horror stories we hear are fake. Well, all of them can be fake but my imagination is real. And wild. So it started. Witches in the villages to spirits clinging to objects. Stories about godmen walking along the shores of sacred rivers. In Hindu culture, we have different forms for one true universal being. So there are many stories related to that too. Again, these stories about witches and demons and gods and all the entities may or may not be true, but as a story, fantasy it’s amazing to hear.We discussed a lot of such stories and incidents that have taken place. There are evidences, apparently, of existence of all these things. It was fun to hear my cousins tell us about a lady with crooked legs and a 20ft godman. Sometimesssss, it gets a little heavy. It was around 4.30 when we decided to sleep. Had a lot of work the next… In the next hours.

Naturally, me being a coward that I am, couldn’t sleep. I twisted and turned on the bed. My brother and one of my cousin brother were sleeping together with me. Not because I was scared to sleep alone, which I was, but the main reason was we had to adjust for a night. Too many people, fewer beds. With me turning and twisting every 10secs, it finally made my brother yell:

“IT’S NOT REAL. IT’S ALL IN YOUR HEAD. GO TO SLEEP!!”

And I was off.

Yes?

Equity or equality?

Misconceptions.

Some men think they are above women, can do anything, behave anyhow and get away with it. A girl is considered “impure” because she’s on her periods. She’s not allowed to enter temples or even kitchen for that matter. Yes. This still happens in some parts of the country. Inappropriate and lewd comments are made towards women on a daily basis. They are harrassed online because the men, they think they can get away with it. Internet gives us weird and unnecessary power.

Why do these goons think they are above law? What aren’t they scared? Just because their parents are capable of “feeding” the police? And the police are happy eating? No matter how full they are, they’ll make space for sweets. A boy rapes a girl and he is arrested just to be bailed out the next day? That’s it? He will probably laugh it off with his friends. Yes. They have made it that trivial. What about the girl? Her life is probably ruined. Rapes, acid attacks, physical abuse, stalking, online harrassment… Why are these things taken so lightly? Why is no serious action taken? “It’s okay. I just touched her.”, Comes his reply. No. Not acceptable. Cowardly. Would you like it if someone just comes and touches your penis? How would you feel? Imagine how grossed out she must feel. She doesn’t want to see your dick. No one does. Disgusting.

They expect us to forget these things easily? We don’t forget things. It’s just our voices aren’t loud enough. We need to be loud. Like how we are loud during festivals. Like how we are loud on the roads just fucking honking away. Why can’t we be loud for something that actually matters?

“Look at her, riding a bike.”…. Ok so? Are you jealous she gets to ride a sports bike and you don’t? What’s the point of the comment you just made? Are you fucking stupid? Don’t stare at her like that dude. Let her be.

“Omg she’s wearing shorts out in public.” -LET HER! Don’t tell her what to wear. If this arouses you, go home, masturbate and calm the fuck down. It’s natural to be aroused. But don’t go around touching and groping her. Sick.

Think about it. Education is important. It’ll clear things. What’s right and what’s wrong. Wearing what makes you feel comfortable isn’t wrong. Don’t mix culture everywhere. There’s something called law. Follow it. Learn to respect everyone. No matter who he or she is. That’s the least you can do.

Chain of thoughts.

This is what it must look like inside my head when many thoughts just surface at a time.

I’ll just dismiss them one by one!

Crawling, creeping.

“… My walls are closing in~”

Back in class after a year.

So today was my first day in college after a year long break. I have been preparing myself mentally for this day and the days to come. Honestly, I don’t think I’m ready.

Everything looked new. I went in with a positive mindset and I wasn’t late for any of my lectures today and I attended all of them (in my case, it’s an impressive feat). As it’s the starting week of the semester there weren’t many students present. Hardly 20. I went in and sat. Everyone was just staring at each other. There were a few of them who knew each other from previous years class. You didn’t get the same division as you were in the last year. Everyone was shuffled. So all your friends were now in different divisions. In my case, everyone was new. My friends were now in the Final year of engineering and because I failed, I was left behind. Well, no use crying over that.

It went well though. The lectures went on smoothly. Although there were some embarrassing moments where the professors were not able to pronounce my name properly. Each one of them fucked it up. You will know this if you’re name is difficult to pronounce. You know how your teacher is taking attendance and shouting names very quickly and suddenly he or she pauses and you realize it’s you. The teacher has trouble pronouncing your name so you just raise your hand and say your name and save the yourself embarrassment. Well I’m used to it now. lol.

There was a moment though where I felt horrible. Like… If only I had studied a little harder and concentrated more on academics rather than… All the other useless stuff I was focusing on, I would’ve passed. If only. There’s this professor, she’s the only one I’m comfortable around. She is open with other students too, teaches really well and she is a nice person. I know all teachers are nice and whatever they do is for our well being and for our good future but I just fucking hate everyone else. I can’t handle their taunts. She isn’t like that. She asked me “You failed….?” And boom. Instant depression. I couldn’t look her in the eye. I know how much efforts she puts into teaching. More than others. In a way, I felt I let her down.

I thought I was well past the regretting phase but seeing my friends today after so long, all in their final year, discussing their plans after graduation… I felt a little regret. Ifs and buts.

Two more years. As they say, complete engineering with your chin up, a smile on your face and rum on your lips.

Rage.

It was a rainy night. Strong winds, even stronger rains lashing down. It was loud and yet it felt silent. I could hear my heartbeats. Even though I was inside the bedroom, I was scared. Rains usually wreck havoc. Cause more harm than good. That’s how I see it. I look outside… Just rainfall…as if pouring down from nothing. There are occasional flashes of light followed by loud tearing noises. Lightning. I’m scared of loud noises. Firecrackers, horns.

Just when I thought it couldn’t get worse, it did. He was home. He was drunk, soaking wet and angry. I knew it was going to be a long night. The moment he entered the house, I heard him scream. That hoarse, hate filled scream… as if the monster inside is screaming to come out. The monster had been active a lot lately. And then there were sounds of utensils banging on the floor as if they’re being thrown. I am worried. She’s alone downstairs with this feind. She must not be left alone with him in this state. I decide to be positive and hope nothing bad has happened. She will call me if she feels something bad is about to happen. There’s shouting and yelling and suddenly, It’s gone silent… the rainfall outside has slowed down. The cold breeze make me shiver. It’s disturbingly quiet. Spontaneously, I get up and I pace down towards the kitchen and I quietly peek inside to see if everything is okay… and I freeze. I see him squeezing the life out of her. His hands tight around her neck. The monster is out.

I have to save her! But how can I? He’s so strong… But I have to. I can’t let my courage waver. The look in his eyes scared me but I’m determined and loyal. I barge in and try to push him away but he’s too strong. With one quick motion of his hand, I’m thrown away. But I still get up and I bite his arm to loosen his grip on her neck… It worked! She falls unconscious on the floor. I shout and shout to wake her up. In vain. I don’t realize he has got up and… Suddenly I feel a blow on my back. He’s carrying a rod. I can sense his anger in every strike. His… fury towards me. He starts kicking me and hitting me with the rod. It hurts. So bad. I feel jolts of pain rushing through my body. I’m in shock, unable to shout, yell and I’m barely able to cry. He has stopped. It hurts. And then it starts to fade away.

The pain through my body which was unbearable just moments ago, is now gone. The warmth I felt is gone. But it’s bright… where was I? I was in the house! I guess I was saved and it’s morning now. It was only after a few l moments that I realized, I was floating. I look down. At my self. And suddenly it all came back.

The bloodied rod just lying there. There’s a huge pool of blood on the floor and he lay down beside it and me, in it. She’s still unconscious. I hope she’s alive. I would be glad if she was. Atleast I saved her.

Time to go I guess. I feel bad… Wasn’t I loyal? I wanted to play fetch one more time. There’s my favourite ball! Well, next time. I look down at my body and how his alcohol induced rage reflected on it.

To arms!

We are all fighting. With someone, for someone or something or even our own selves. So many people around us, parents, friends, neighbours. They think they’re alone and thinking that, they make rash decisions. Let them know that they’re not alone.

Since I failed in the second year of engineering, I haven’t done much. Wasted my time. It’s not like I didn’t want to do anything or learn something new. I was scared of something… Whenever I went to enquire about something I got low. Like…I sink within myself. I used to come home and lock myself in. Safety. Just pass that day somehow and go to sleep. Next day when I wake up, it’s pretty much the same. Im sitting quietly watching TV and suddenly everything around starts vibrating. Like the walls are coming to eat me.

My father, he’s fighting depression. He wakes up in the middle of the night and starts walking around the house. I have seen him whisper to himself. I’m worried about him. Few days ago, when he came home from work, he reeked of cigarettes. I tried hard to confront him about this but I couldn’t. I’m worried. We’re all worried. He eats a LOT of salt with his food. Not good.

My neighbours were just asked to empty their house. They were renting the place. Financial problems, children’s education and what not. They were fighting everything at once. Good people. Bad situations. That lady from the family asked my family to help them find a place to stay. They found one small flat… Atleast now they have a roof on their head. But it’s faaaar from the kids school. No school transport, public transport is expensive and parents are busy earning. Depression.

These are just few examples of some people I know. A lot of my blog posts have been negative and revolving around negativity. But what I’m trying to do is, spread awareness or rather address the issues we are facing. Yes, we all go through it. Some rise up pretty fast. Some keep on falling in the abyss. They need help. We need help. Smoking, drinking is just a way temporary way to mask their emotions. People are not addicted to drugs and alcohol, they are addicted to escaping reality. Sometimes people don’t want to hear the truth because they don’t want to destroy their illusions. I think if we all change our habits, small things, we can get a better and postive results out of ourselves. We need to get together and help each other overcome problems. Students are attempting suicide at an alarming rate. The age at which they should be actually living. And instead, they’re trying kill themselves. Something is wrong. We need to fight these emotions. Talking to a troubled student will help him a lot. So To arms people! There areany things to worry about. But when we conquer ourselves, then we can set out to conquer other problems.